Just an observation...

Paul Weller is a totally hot old man. That is all.

Hello 2010.

What has been going on in my life since my last post? Not a whole lot.

I recently quit my job, which was an enormous weight lifted off of my back. I work part time for the company Todd works for now as an artist advocate and soon to be more than that. I get to work from home which is nice. In the upcoming weeks I will take on more responsibility, which Im very much looking forward to. If all goes well I am hoping this a job I can stick with. Its nice doing something different for a change, working for a company I enjoy, and work for a boss I have complete respect for and really like as a person.

Last month I took a trip home in the beginning of December. I visited family in Virginia for 5 days, which was so nice getting to see everyone. I miss everyone more than they ever could imagine. I then took a bus up to NYC to visit my brother Clarke, which just proved even more to me that NY is where I really do belong. Walking down crowded streets, eating at incredible restaurants, navigating the subway, perusing through MoMA, drinking delicious French wines at my brothers while looking at Manhattans twinkling lights through his Brooklyn brownstone apartment- I truly felt in my element. I even went to walk around my old stomping grounds in Park Slope, and took a stroll past my old apartment. It felt right. Like home. It was such a great visit back. I needed it. Leaving was hard, and I broke down in tears as I was packing up my stuff and telling my brother goodbye.

Portland continues to prove to Todd and I that its not the place for us. We find ourselves so utterly bored all of the time. As Ive said before, its an attractive "city" (more like small town with oodles and oodles of suburbs), just no personality or culture. Todd says he spent all of his life trying to leave Virginia Beach and he feels like hes moved back, only this time with no family and friends. I agree whole heartedly. We both wish we had visited here before we decided to move, because we never would have left Brooklyn. Ive somewhat fallen into a depression, which I try to fight off everyday. Most days Id rather stay in bed, but obviously thats not the healthy thing to do, so I dont. If it wasnt for Todd and his love and his making me laugh all of the time, I would be one pathetic biotch. One good thing though thats has come out of us being here, is that we have had a little more money to enjoy. Todd was able to purchase a vintage Eames Lounge, which hes been dying for for years now. We have bought some amazing artwork, recently that of Roy Lichtenstein , which should get getting here in a couple of days. We also recently bought a Wii to help ward off the boredom, which has been fun battling each other in games since we both get super competitive.

I know I need to stop dwelling on being here. I tell myself that daily. I know being here is potentially setting Todd up with financial stability in the future, which is huge. We both want out of here, and we are definitely peacing out as soon as Todd feels like Ryz is strong enough for him to help run from another coast. So I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope that its not a long tunnel. I hope everything we moved out here for pans out and I hope Todd achieves the huge success he so much deserves.

In other news, it snowed here last week. Definitely out of the ordinary for here. It was really pretty, but melted within a couple of hours of it falling.

Real talk.

Does anyone else get gassy when they work out?

.... no?

Okay forget I said anything.

Come on big money big money.

This past Saturday around 6:30 pm, Todd and I decided our day off kinda sucked so we decided to make the best of the remainder of the evening and took a little road trip out to Spirit Mountain Casino. Talk about the middle of nowhere!Its on an Indian reservation so theres really nothing around it for miles. I had never been to a casino before, but uponarrival it was pretty much what I had expected- lots of hillbilly people who probably shouldnt be gambling their money based on looking at them, lots of cigarette smoke, lots of noise, and lots of slot machines. But oh what fun we had! We had a set amount of money we were okay with spending and possibley not getting back, found our way to the non-smoking section, and off to the slot machines we went. We played for a few hours, wasted almost all of the money we had taken out, and then within 5 minutes of each other both won a substantial amount and won back almost all of the money we had spent. Content with our lucky streak, we called it a night. In all honesty it was probably one of the more exciting things we have done since we got here.

Speaking of being here... I dont think we plan on being in Portland for too long. While he loves his job, Todd isnt happy here. And we ALL know Im not happy here (haha)! Todd said if he would have visited out here first, he probably would never have moved. "I liked Virginia Beach better than I like it here" he once said. Daaaaaaaamn. Once he has the company where it needs to be, everything is running smoothly, and he feels as though he can once again work remotely, we plan to move back to the Big Apple. So its not a question of if anymore, just when. (Please let it be by the time our lease is up next August!)

So I got my flights booked home for December. Im going in a couple of weeks actually. 2 weeks from this coming Sunday. I wanted to use my Jet Blue credits before they expired (on December 1st), so I figured an early December flight home was the way to go. That way I can still see my family in the Christmas season, but not have to pay 600 dollars. I think with the credit I ended up paying 200 for the flight. Not bad at all. Im planning on spending 4 full days in Richmond, then taking the Chinatown bus up to spend a couple of days with my brother since I have no idea when I will get to see him again, and he couldnt make it down the week Im going to be home. As much as Id like it to be a longer trip and get to see all my NYC friends, I dont know what I will have time. Its kind of stressful to think about all of the family in different areas I have to squeeze in such a small amount of time, and I dont know that its going to be the most relaxing trip home, but I am so super excited to see everyone. Once I come back I plan to get a tree put up for Todd and I and look forward to my measly two days off of work (I KNOW, RIGHT) for Christmas to spend with my sweet man.

In other news, Ive gotten way too addicted to Big Love and look forward to watching an episode every night. At this rate I will definitely be done with all of the previous seasons in time for the new season to starts in January. My love for Dexter has basically completely diminished after this current season however. I dont even look forward to watching it anymore, although I do just to see what happens (or doesnt so it seems). Unless I get left with a huge cliff hanger at the end of this season, I probably wont watch it anymore. Sorry Dexter, youre real cute and all but I think its over between us.

And just so I end with a photo....

And I wonder, still I wonder....

The rainy season of Portland had started to fall upon us. Sunny days are coming fewer and further between. Its only a matter of time until we are house ridden. Summer weather here was amazing. I think it only rained once or twice that I can remember. 80 degrees, bright, sunny, and no humidity every single day. Thats how the weather is here though. Beautiful summers and grim winters. So which is worse- a subzero winter or a rainy winter? I guess Ill be able to make that call by spring. For now Ill assume both suck just as bad.

Todd and I saw Where the Wild Things are on Saturday. We loved it. Visually its a kids movie, but the emotions and situations are a little too deep for kids to understand, which made it appeal more for adults. I loved that there were no CGI effects used in creating the creatures so everything looked so tangible and real, and aesthetically made the movie look more believable. I loved the book as a kid and Im glad Spike Jonze and co. were able to it keep its magic as a movie.

One more day off and then back to work. Im already starting to look for a new job because unfortunately 4 weeks into this one, and Im beginning to notice control-freak-micro-management Ive dealt with at previous jobs that I refuse to put up with again. Not going to make the same mistakes as before and deal with it forever- proactivity is my new middle name.

Drinking coffee and staying inside on the rest of this drizzly day. Organic beef stew simmering, ready for Todd when he gets home from work. Time to go hang out with Biscuit.

True love.

Well well well.

Months have gone by and so much has changed. Im on the opposite coast. Away from all of my family, all of my friends, away from all things familiar. In a few weeks it will mark 4 months since Todd and I arrived here in Portland.

Leaving New York felt great at first. The last few months there were filled with one slap in the face after another. Its something that had to happen. We simply couldnt afford to live there anymore and we were so ready for something different.

Now, nearly 4 months later, Im having deep feelings of regret. The whole time I lived there, I loved to hate on it. I kick myself for the fact that I didnt let myself enjoy it more, and utilize the city for all that its worth. Maybe it took me coming to a less exciting city to wake up and realize what I had was great, or maybe I knew it all along but I was too bullheaded to realize it. Portland is a great city, dont get me wrong. Its beautiful, its clean, the people here are the friendliest people Ive ever met. But what it lacks, is everything that made me most happy in New York. Music, culture, art, fashion, friends, closeness to family. Living here has made me feel so utterly disconnected from these things.

Had I come here directly from Richmond, maybe it would feel a little more exciting to me. But trying to order a pizza (which by the way is the only food in the whole city that delivers) at 8:05, and being told that they stop delivering at 8 is just ridiculous. True story, by the way. I miss the feeling of a city being alive at all hours of the night- walking out my door at 11 pm to walk Biscuit around the block, and hearing more than a train humming off in the distance.

I am thankful though, that being here has allowed me to get back in touch with nature. Todd and I have had a nice time exploring the gorgeous undeveloped areas in Oregon, and Im pretty positive Biscuit has enjoyed that as well. We have gone to the coast a couple of times (which is way prettier than the beaches on the East Coast), explored some streams in the mountains, driven up to Mount St Helens and Mount Hood, visited the numerous waterfalls in the area, enjoyed the scenic drive through the Columbia River Gorge...

From here on out I am going to try to think more positive. Maybe I can try to look at this as a very long vacation. I dont think its forever. I should just try to enjoy what Portland does have to offer. Enjoy the relaxed atmosphere, enjoy Stumptown coffee, enjoy our ridiculously nice apartment, because one day who knows, we may just decide return to that city Ive been holding so close to my heart- NY.