And I wonder, still I wonder....

The rainy season of Portland had started to fall upon us. Sunny days are coming fewer and further between. Its only a matter of time until we are house ridden. Summer weather here was amazing. I think it only rained once or twice that I can remember. 80 degrees, bright, sunny, and no humidity every single day. Thats how the weather is here though. Beautiful summers and grim winters. So which is worse- a subzero winter or a rainy winter? I guess Ill be able to make that call by spring. For now Ill assume both suck just as bad.

Todd and I saw Where the Wild Things are on Saturday. We loved it. Visually its a kids movie, but the emotions and situations are a little too deep for kids to understand, which made it appeal more for adults. I loved that there were no CGI effects used in creating the creatures so everything looked so tangible and real, and aesthetically made the movie look more believable. I loved the book as a kid and Im glad Spike Jonze and co. were able to it keep its magic as a movie.

One more day off and then back to work. Im already starting to look for a new job because unfortunately 4 weeks into this one, and Im beginning to notice control-freak-micro-management Ive dealt with at previous jobs that I refuse to put up with again. Not going to make the same mistakes as before and deal with it forever- proactivity is my new middle name.

Drinking coffee and staying inside on the rest of this drizzly day. Organic beef stew simmering, ready for Todd when he gets home from work. Time to go hang out with Biscuit.

True love.

Well well well.

Months have gone by and so much has changed. Im on the opposite coast. Away from all of my family, all of my friends, away from all things familiar. In a few weeks it will mark 4 months since Todd and I arrived here in Portland.

Leaving New York felt great at first. The last few months there were filled with one slap in the face after another. Its something that had to happen. We simply couldnt afford to live there anymore and we were so ready for something different.

Now, nearly 4 months later, Im having deep feelings of regret. The whole time I lived there, I loved to hate on it. I kick myself for the fact that I didnt let myself enjoy it more, and utilize the city for all that its worth. Maybe it took me coming to a less exciting city to wake up and realize what I had was great, or maybe I knew it all along but I was too bullheaded to realize it. Portland is a great city, dont get me wrong. Its beautiful, its clean, the people here are the friendliest people Ive ever met. But what it lacks, is everything that made me most happy in New York. Music, culture, art, fashion, friends, closeness to family. Living here has made me feel so utterly disconnected from these things.

Had I come here directly from Richmond, maybe it would feel a little more exciting to me. But trying to order a pizza (which by the way is the only food in the whole city that delivers) at 8:05, and being told that they stop delivering at 8 is just ridiculous. True story, by the way. I miss the feeling of a city being alive at all hours of the night- walking out my door at 11 pm to walk Biscuit around the block, and hearing more than a train humming off in the distance.

I am thankful though, that being here has allowed me to get back in touch with nature. Todd and I have had a nice time exploring the gorgeous undeveloped areas in Oregon, and Im pretty positive Biscuit has enjoyed that as well. We have gone to the coast a couple of times (which is way prettier than the beaches on the East Coast), explored some streams in the mountains, driven up to Mount St Helens and Mount Hood, visited the numerous waterfalls in the area, enjoyed the scenic drive through the Columbia River Gorge...

From here on out I am going to try to think more positive. Maybe I can try to look at this as a very long vacation. I dont think its forever. I should just try to enjoy what Portland does have to offer. Enjoy the relaxed atmosphere, enjoy Stumptown coffee, enjoy our ridiculously nice apartment, because one day who knows, we may just decide return to that city Ive been holding so close to my heart- NY.