Yawn.

Why am I always so tired? I can literally wake up after a good nights sleep and feel like I need to take a nap within a couple of hours. Its not like I live an unhealthy lifestyle or anything. Maybe this little bout of depression Ive been battling for the last year has something to do with it. I remember back in high school I went through a horrible depression and basically slept the days away then as well. Todd has complained of feeling energyless too though. Perhaps lack of stimulation and boredom is making us feel this way. I guess Ive never experienced boredom to this extent before. All I know is that I just havent felt healthy in a while. We will see if anything changes when we leave here- fingers crossed, because I cant afford for it to be something more.

Despite my constant exhaustion, I still manage to get my butt to the gym to do some cardio and light weights 5 or 6 times a week. I really have no excuse though being that its only 2 floors down. I never thought I would enjoy working out so much. Its become part of my daily routine, so much so that if I skip a day I feel really guilty. I absolutely have to join a gym in New York, because I cant imagine not working out now. Any suggestions as to some decent ones that arent ridiculously expensive, let me know.

The weather forecast is currently happening in the other room. So far Ive heard the meteorologist say that hes predicting July to be wet and cool, the upcoming week is going to be gray and rainy, hes said that theres only been 4 days of sunshine since April 1st, and he isnt too confident that the few months of dry, sunny summer will even occur this year... to which I say, suck it Oregon.

Anyway, despite my hatred, there is one little bright spot here that I absolutely adore- Dovetail Bakery, a quaint little coffeeshop/vegan bakery about 15 minutes away from us. We all know Im not vegan or even vegetarian but I do find myself eating that way fairly often. However when it comes to baked goods, I find it difficult to find vegan things that dont come with that well, vegan flavor, because typically in baked goods the eggs, milk, and butter are a must. Now I dont know what kind of magic theyre working in the kitchen over there, but good lord. Im pretty sure Morgan (the owner) is a vegan fairy sent down from heaven, and everything she touches turns into a delicious treat. Maybe she is paying homage to the Dave Chappelle Show and sprinkling some crack on everything or something. I mean its kind of ridiculous how dare I say, "buttery" and perfect the chocolate chip cookies are, or how moist and spongey the banana & fig muffin is. Their stuff is a little bit expensive, but for those days you want to splurge (both financially and gastronomically), its a must even for those opposed to vegan stuff. And for the record, when Heidi is out here for that one day in July, you better believe Im taking her there.

Alright, Im gonna go take a nap. Just kidding.

Oh hey there.

Things have been slow around here, and its still been raining a ton. As a matter of fact, Portland has been setting records for the rain. Because obviously it couldnt have set good records for the stint that we have spent here.

My brother recently paid a visit for 4 days. A much needed visit to say the least, as I feel like Ive been going a little crazy with no family or friends. We had a great time seeing him, and hanging out with him always seems to involve some decadent French wines, awesome food, and above all, barrels of laughs. My brother has always been one of the most important people in my life and pretty much my best friend, ever since I was a kid. I remember growing up when people would ask me who my idol was, and I would always say Clarke. I have him to thank for so much, including introducing me to many of the bands I still listen to today at a young age. Two of the best shows I have ever been to have been with him- The Chameleons in DC when I was a teen (incredible, and Mark Burgess's voice is still as awesome as it was in the 80s), and My Bloody Valentine in NYC a couple of years back (hands down, best show I have ever experienced). We have about a million inside jokes, some of which we have had for years and we still get weak on. He will always lend an ear if ever I need to talk about anything thats bothering me. He always has something new and exciting to share, be it a new place to eat, a new record... He truly is an awesome human, and I am (and always will be) proud to be his little sis. Thank you Clarke, for everything, and I cant wait to be a mere subway ride away from a hangout again.

So one of the places we ate at while Clarke was here, was a place called Le Pigeon. If ever you find yourself in Portland (which lets hope you dont, but if you do) this would be on the top of the list of places to eat. But those afraid to experience new and somewhat "weird" foods beware- this place may not be for you. For me though, Im not afraid to try anything once- how will you ever know if you like something if you dont at least try it? Anyway, we sat at the bar to eat, because the bar is actually an open kitchen so you can chit chat with and watch chef Gabriel Rucker (who was featured in Food and Wine a couple of years back, and nominated for a James Beard for Rising Star of the Year last year) prepare some fairly "foodie" yet beautifully unpretentious dishes. Really awesome and friendly guy by the way and extremely talented for such a young chef. Everything one might find gross on the menu we ordered, and everything we ordered was absolutely delicious. If you didnt tell anyone what it was they were eating, Im fairly positive everyone would happily scarf it down. While sitting at the bar, there was a guy dining alone to our left, who we ended up talking to throughout our meal. In the middle of munching on some appetizers, I was half listening to Todd talking to him about New York. Apparently the guy spent a lot of time hanging out there back in the day because he had some family there or something and blah blah blah. Then all of a sudden guy then started going into a rant about how New York nowadays was "done" and how its "all rich people now". That is when the record in my head came to a screeching halt. New York City... DONE? Did he really just say that? Yes, yes he did. Well thats news to me. Did New York suddenly stop being 3 steps ahead of everywhere else in the United States? Did it suddenly stop being home to many of the great chefs, designers, and artists of today? Did people all over the world stop trying to move there in order to make something of themselves or live a more exciting and fulfilling life? As far as everyone there being rich, yes there are rich people who live there (and in every other state, even your beloved Portland), but every single person I know who lives there are pretty far from even being well off. In all seriousness though you semi-balding new-age hippie, those days youre sitting at home being bored out of your gourd, Ill be back in the Big Apple with endless possibilities of things to do, because you know, New York is so done and all.............

11 weeks to go, bitches.

Free at last, free at last...

4 more months of an absolute mind numbingly boring life. 4 more months of living in a town that is polar opposite of who we are and everything we enjoy. 4 more months until we move back to New York City. The countdown is on, and I couldnt feel more relieved.

If its one thing we have learned, its never ever move somewhere without visiting it first- numerous times and in long enough increments to really get a feel for what its like. Especially once you have lived in New York. Everything will seem really horribly "less than" after being in a city where anything and everything is at your fingertips at any given time. I truly believe you have to be 100% ready to leave and be prepared to live a different lifestyle. We of course, found that out the hard way.

I just cant wait to feel alive again. I cant wait to aimless cruise the sidewalks with no particular place to go, yet feel completely content doing so. I cant wait to experience culture again, and see all walks of life coexisting together. I cant wait to see all of our friends we left behind, and be close enough to my family that I can take the bus down. Cant wait.

Yes I know and remember that there are things that are completely annoying about NYC, and I know those things will quickly come rushing back to me soon after get get back. But on this extremely long 14 month long haitus, Ive learned that at this point in my life, I will happily accept those annoying things rather than live anywhere else.

Come ooooooooonnnnnnnnn August 31!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just an observation...

Paul Weller is a totally hot old man. That is all.

Hello 2010.

What has been going on in my life since my last post? Not a whole lot.

I recently quit my job, which was an enormous weight lifted off of my back. I work part time for the company Todd works for now as an artist advocate and soon to be more than that. I get to work from home which is nice. In the upcoming weeks I will take on more responsibility, which Im very much looking forward to. If all goes well I am hoping this a job I can stick with. Its nice doing something different for a change, working for a company I enjoy, and work for a boss I have complete respect for and really like as a person.

Last month I took a trip home in the beginning of December. I visited family in Virginia for 5 days, which was so nice getting to see everyone. I miss everyone more than they ever could imagine. I then took a bus up to NYC to visit my brother Clarke, which just proved even more to me that NY is where I really do belong. Walking down crowded streets, eating at incredible restaurants, navigating the subway, perusing through MoMA, drinking delicious French wines at my brothers while looking at Manhattans twinkling lights through his Brooklyn brownstone apartment- I truly felt in my element. I even went to walk around my old stomping grounds in Park Slope, and took a stroll past my old apartment. It felt right. Like home. It was such a great visit back. I needed it. Leaving was hard, and I broke down in tears as I was packing up my stuff and telling my brother goodbye.

Portland continues to prove to Todd and I that its not the place for us. We find ourselves so utterly bored all of the time. As Ive said before, its an attractive "city" (more like small town with oodles and oodles of suburbs), just no personality or culture. Todd says he spent all of his life trying to leave Virginia Beach and he feels like hes moved back, only this time with no family and friends. I agree whole heartedly. We both wish we had visited here before we decided to move, because we never would have left Brooklyn. Ive somewhat fallen into a depression, which I try to fight off everyday. Most days Id rather stay in bed, but obviously thats not the healthy thing to do, so I dont. If it wasnt for Todd and his love and his making me laugh all of the time, I would be one pathetic biotch. One good thing though thats has come out of us being here, is that we have had a little more money to enjoy. Todd was able to purchase a vintage Eames Lounge, which hes been dying for for years now. We have bought some amazing artwork, recently that of Roy Lichtenstein , which should get getting here in a couple of days. We also recently bought a Wii to help ward off the boredom, which has been fun battling each other in games since we both get super competitive.

I know I need to stop dwelling on being here. I tell myself that daily. I know being here is potentially setting Todd up with financial stability in the future, which is huge. We both want out of here, and we are definitely peacing out as soon as Todd feels like Ryz is strong enough for him to help run from another coast. So I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope that its not a long tunnel. I hope everything we moved out here for pans out and I hope Todd achieves the huge success he so much deserves.

In other news, it snowed here last week. Definitely out of the ordinary for here. It was really pretty, but melted within a couple of hours of it falling.

Real talk.

Does anyone else get gassy when they work out?

.... no?

Okay forget I said anything.

Come on big money big money.

This past Saturday around 6:30 pm, Todd and I decided our day off kinda sucked so we decided to make the best of the remainder of the evening and took a little road trip out to Spirit Mountain Casino. Talk about the middle of nowhere!Its on an Indian reservation so theres really nothing around it for miles. I had never been to a casino before, but uponarrival it was pretty much what I had expected- lots of hillbilly people who probably shouldnt be gambling their money based on looking at them, lots of cigarette smoke, lots of noise, and lots of slot machines. But oh what fun we had! We had a set amount of money we were okay with spending and possibley not getting back, found our way to the non-smoking section, and off to the slot machines we went. We played for a few hours, wasted almost all of the money we had taken out, and then within 5 minutes of each other both won a substantial amount and won back almost all of the money we had spent. Content with our lucky streak, we called it a night. In all honesty it was probably one of the more exciting things we have done since we got here.

Speaking of being here... I dont think we plan on being in Portland for too long. While he loves his job, Todd isnt happy here. And we ALL know Im not happy here (haha)! Todd said if he would have visited out here first, he probably would never have moved. "I liked Virginia Beach better than I like it here" he once said. Daaaaaaaamn. Once he has the company where it needs to be, everything is running smoothly, and he feels as though he can once again work remotely, we plan to move back to the Big Apple. So its not a question of if anymore, just when. (Please let it be by the time our lease is up next August!)

So I got my flights booked home for December. Im going in a couple of weeks actually. 2 weeks from this coming Sunday. I wanted to use my Jet Blue credits before they expired (on December 1st), so I figured an early December flight home was the way to go. That way I can still see my family in the Christmas season, but not have to pay 600 dollars. I think with the credit I ended up paying 200 for the flight. Not bad at all. Im planning on spending 4 full days in Richmond, then taking the Chinatown bus up to spend a couple of days with my brother since I have no idea when I will get to see him again, and he couldnt make it down the week Im going to be home. As much as Id like it to be a longer trip and get to see all my NYC friends, I dont know what I will have time. Its kind of stressful to think about all of the family in different areas I have to squeeze in such a small amount of time, and I dont know that its going to be the most relaxing trip home, but I am so super excited to see everyone. Once I come back I plan to get a tree put up for Todd and I and look forward to my measly two days off of work (I KNOW, RIGHT) for Christmas to spend with my sweet man.

In other news, Ive gotten way too addicted to Big Love and look forward to watching an episode every night. At this rate I will definitely be done with all of the previous seasons in time for the new season to starts in January. My love for Dexter has basically completely diminished after this current season however. I dont even look forward to watching it anymore, although I do just to see what happens (or doesnt so it seems). Unless I get left with a huge cliff hanger at the end of this season, I probably wont watch it anymore. Sorry Dexter, youre real cute and all but I think its over between us.

And just so I end with a photo....